Archive for world


Posted in Life, lost, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on October 27, 2016 by vixstar1314

There are some really dark stuff within me.
Thoughts, feelings, emotions about my life, life in general, future, the world.
They ain’t thoughts that are dark towards other people. But more really realistic perspective of the world.
It is said that depressed people have the most realistic view of the world. Maybe that is sort of what I have.
I live with these emotions daily. They peak, fall, balance and disappear unexpectedly. At best they linger behind me constantly and come out occassionally.I have done well to coexist with it all to the extent that people around me no nothing of the extent of these darkness within me, that I try so hard to bury.



Posted in Event, Life with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2015 by vixstar1314

Many places in this world are now filled with higher than usual risks. The risks I would like to blog about today is terrorism. It seemed that a lot of places can be targets of this. Over time it feels to me like the world has gotten scarier. I don’t know if that is because when I was young as a kid you don’t really watch the news or follow what is actually going on around the world. So in some way you know less, thus feel less threaten. Today however I feel like no matter where you are the risks are high. I personally feel like it is one of those things that you can’t actually control. It is will you be at the wrong place and the wrong time, and be the unlucky ones. It is not really something you can avoid, as I need to go work, go places, meet people, visit locations so I guess we should leave it to fate……..

Misfit II

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, lost, Personal with tags , , , , on October 27, 2015 by vixstar1314

I have never felt like I fit into this world. Like I was born into the wrong time or place or even universe.

My nature is too soft for all the complications, politics, the constant force to conform to society in this world.

Nothing seems simple or selfless in this strange world.

Inside me I like the peaceful and calm world that seem correct and ideal. Dare I say perfect..

Which I know this world can never be and I find that difficult to comprehend. Making it often an unimaginable struggle to live in this world.

Being independent

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , on September 22, 2015 by vixstar1314

Being independent has somehow from a very young age been embedded within me. Not really directly by the people around me, more from the surrounding where I grew up in. I felt as in no one truly understood me, to the extent that I learnt to keep everything inside, never really truly discussing stuff with others as such. It was a mixture of not being able to express myself properly, not wanting to bother people and not wanting to show my weakness. Over time it became what I come to know as the “norm” and allowing me to feel comfortable in my own skin. Where I could create a bubble for myself to immense in my own world. Some may say this is lonely but for me it is my comfortable norm now. So much so that I wonder if this will forever be like that for me. I like being in my own bubble, I need to be in it several time a week. Too much of this world and other people makes me feel unbalanced, it gets too much, too claustrophobic, it forces me to observe and confront all the stuff I hate in people and this world. In my own bubble I find peace to neutralize myself again…

Contradiction pain

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2015 by vixstar1314

Contradiction inside against that of the outside world and society makes it difficult to balance.

Constantly like a tug of war.

I am torn.

Where are my?

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on July 27, 2015 by vixstar1314

I am here on Earth, but I often question where are my? My mind and presence here at times seemed so incomplete and scattered. I don’t feel like I belong. The place I feel most completed at this current point in time is in my own mind, where I have created an ideal world, my own utopia – where I have found a sense of peace. Unfortunately it doesn’t last, as the noise from the outer world disturbs it and I am pulled back to the cruel reality. I wonder whether I will ever feel completed or “right” in this world. If I do, I shall let you know. I wish and pray I will, but I guess only time will reveal it. So far I have felt like this for as long as I can remember thus, far too long….

Wired brains

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Personal with tags , , , , , on July 2, 2015 by vixstar1314

The beauty and flaw of humans is that we are all wired so differently whether that is from culture, environment, personalities, characteristics, backgrounds etc… We all are unique. Sometimes I find this difficult to accept because I struggle to understand why some people would act or behave in certain ways that seem so incorrect, unethical, inhumane, wrong, absurd, evil, mean, stupid or selfish. Even though somewhere in my heart and brain I should know that every one is different and what I deem as right, reasonable or ethical to some may not. Such contradiction troubles my mind far too often.


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