Archive for Relationship

The phoenix that is you

Posted in Creativity, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on July 26, 2017 by vixstar1314

You will always be the phoenix.


No matter how many times I have tried to suppress thoughts of you and lock you deep inside my heart. One way or another when I least expect it, you rise again. Tugging at my mind and heart string. Making me think of the memories we created together, making me wonder how your life is going, do I ever cross your mind?

You will always be the one that I connected the deepest with. That one that I wished in an ideal world we would be one.

I clearly remember this one dream I had a few years ago, whereby my ex-boyfriend was looking at me, I was standing by my current boyfriend who was looking at me, but I was looking at you…I believe on some level this depict my deepest, truest desires and feelings.

The feelings and thoughts about you have decreased over the years. But they still appear several times a month. Sometimes these thoughts are quite dark, like if I was on the brink of death would I miss you the most, would you be my last thought and regret? Maybe you was always my fire, the one that light me most but also the one that burnt me the deepest. However the only thing that is real between us now is the distance…..




Love is…………..

Posted in Life, Personal, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on March 20, 2011 by vixstar1314

…..when someone hurts/disappoints you so badly, and you get mad but you don’t yell or show it because you know it would hurt their feelings. So instead you keep it within and sacrifice yourself¬† for them.

~There are 1403876 other people in this world yet you make me smile 1403876 times a day, but you are also the one that could take away the smile 1403876 times a day. Yes, you are so powerful.

~Love is when you do some much for someone because you cherish the moments you have together, and you know  your feelings for them are likely to last forever but not everything in life does and there will be changes. So you want to be able to spend every moment you can with them.

~When understanding between two people have reached a level where not everything has to be stated or said out aloud, but both understand each other = when two becomes one.

~Love is when someone does not have to say compliments, they don’t have to say words that are perfect, but they can still somehow make you smile or make you feel better even when you have had the worse day, because they are by your side and their presence already means the world to you.

~Love is when there is distance between you, and you miss them immediately and every second after that till you meet again.

~The worse way to miss someone is when they’re right next to you and you miss them anyway because a part of you know’s that they will never truly be yours and you don’t have their full heart, yet they have taken your full heart even without realizing.

~Love is when you care for the other person’s happiness more than that of your own, no matter how painful the choices you may have to face alone.

~They use rings for marriages to symbolize joining of two people, closeness, tradition has it that the ring placed on the marriage finger on the left hand is because this is where a vein from this finger runs directly to the heart, putting a ring worn here closer to the heart than a ring worn on any other finger, unbroken circle representing eternity, but have you noticed how suffeRING also uses the ring.

~Love is when you are not sure why you are waiting or holding on when a part of you knows you can’t be mine but it does not matter because you are willing to just stand close by to them, to watch and be there whenever they call.

~There is no such thing as perfection, but in my eyes you are perfect.

~Love is like:

-a quicksand: as the quicker you fall in, the harder it is for you to come out.

-a mirror: once broken, it cannot be mended back to how it use to be.

-glass: once shattered if you try to pick up the broken pieces you may end up hurting yourself.

~It is said that everything happens for a reason, yet I am continuously searching for these reasons. Reasons as to why it is you, reasons as to why it is so difficult at times, and yet so perfect all the other times. I guess then the other sayings applies: no pain no gain and God works in mysterious ways, we just have to wait and see.

~Love is when logic goes out the window, when feelings take over.

So basically the conclusion IS it’s virtually impossible to define love.

Love. Fear. Hope. Hold. Life

Posted in God, introspective, Life, Personal, Society, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2011 by vixstar1314

All my life, I have felt incomplete, like so much is missing. Not to say that I am not grateful for all that God has given me.

The day that I clicked with you, changed so much, and I dare say nothing will ever be the same again. I can barely explain it. To start with I am someone who find’s it hard to express one self, this is made virtually impossible when it comes down to important matters of the heart.

So many times, when I am with you, my world feels complete, or to be more precise it feels like only you and I exist, and it’s great. I feel like you are “the one” yet a part of me asks “if you was the one, then would it all not be more smoother than it is right now?”

A massive part of me feels like you are the one, yet my logical side, tell’s me there is someone out there that will complete me much more than you, will treat me much better, will return my love fully. As much as I feel like currently you are the one, I still hope that someone out there is searching for someone like me. And would find me so that I can be completely completed and we both would be. So that I would not feel like I have parts missing.

The problem with love sometimes is that we crave for it so much, yet we cannot openly admit our feelings, as a result of:

fear: fear that it will not work out, our feelings would not be returned…


pressure, pressure from family, friends, society, relationship…


circumstances, circumstances of wrong timing….

Yet even though we are conscious of all these, which should theoretically signal to us with all these present “it will not work” so let go, don’t hold on to this, it will just make it worse in the long run. Yet stupidly, we human’s still continue down the path of spikes. Knowing full well that doing so will cause us endless heart aches and pain..

Maybe deep down we believe that regardless of all this, there is still hope??

Or eventually there will come a time when everything get’s too much, when the past, the memories, all the suffering will finally be too much to bare, whereby the pain becomes to real that it really does hit you, and wake you up and you realize that you need to “save yourself” because you cannot keep going on like this, where you give someone everything to the extent that you no longer have your body, mind, heart and soul…

Then you walk away, even though at first it seem’s like the pain is a million times worse than the ones your getting from holding on.

It’s like hell on earth

It’s like your heart and mind are being ripped out

and dragged along.

But from somewhere you muscle up the inches of strength you still have and you pull yourself away. At the start and during the middle process it’s grilling, yet towards the end, you notice it is the start of a new beginning at life………………

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