Archive for psychology

It has been a long time

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2017 by vixstar1314

I am aware that I have not blogged for several months. I am not sure why this is. I still have lots of feelings and thoughts embedded within me, and still require it to be unloaded. However I may have been trying to not process my thoughts as much as I have use to. Whether that has done me good or not I cannot say for sure.

Anyways I was on the bus recently and I thought of you, my blog. The trigger was from thinking of my past and the super tough time I had gone through many many years ago and how that part of me was still placed somewhere within this blog.

I guess this post is more of a self-reflection post.

Several years ago there was a very long period of time, almost a year when I had fallen extremely deep into a black hole. This was mainly due to someone, but it wasn’t helped with the situations and confusion that I felt during that point in my life. Also because of the way I am and how often I feel more darkness than most so this spiral much further than it should had. Whereby I was left extremely unsure if I could or even wanted to come back up from it. It got to a stage when I had been in it for so long that I started to believe this was the norm and I should just give up on trying.

I must admit I still find myself daily feeling a very strong dark bubble around me, at times like I am struggling to breathe. I don’t believe I have actually tried to put it in words before as such. Well lets just say I get a lot of negative thoughts and that most days I struggle to pull myself out of bed. The thought of it makes me rather sad. However the bad thing is, I know that my life isn’t terrible and nothing is specifically wrong so I should be alright, yet I am not and that baffles me, but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness within me that I cannot quite explain to myself or others. But over time I have learnt to manage it as well as I could. However every month or so I do burn out and break down. I somehow release the emotions and the cycle begins again.

It isn’t anywhere as bad as it use to be but now I know I can never get rid of it. It is a part of my life.

I believe I have now found a name for it and realised it exists elsewhere aside from within my mind and body. It is High function depression.

Reading this article  on huffington post gave me clarity and made me feek less alone and abnormal. From gaining a better understanding of it I have been able to feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.



Do I “Mind” – Cognitive dissonance

Posted in introspective, Life, Mind - Psychology, Personal with tags , , , , , on March 7, 2015 by vixstar1314

Overthinking causes the mind  to torture yourself.

I know my mind is not reliable,

I know that the memories I have are exaggerated and my thoughts add more details to re-create them to keep them alive.

They are no longer real.

The uneasy feeling when you have conflicting thoughts and beliefs is called Cognitive dissonance.

Underneath pain is hurt,

underneath hurt is love.

Life entails many twists,

and turns,

each one is a process we must travel along.

It’s the Catch-22 of depression recovery:

The things that help the most are the things that are the most difficult to do.

There’s a difference, however, between something that’s difficult and something that’s impossible.

cognitive dissonance


Take a temporary escape from reality and enter into a different world. Depending on your interests I would suggest different “escape worlds”.

You can try books, journals, movies, games, music, a long walk…

Whatever allows you to completely zone out for a few hours.

Take that time to allow yourself to relax and stop thinking.

Then after you feel a bit more clear again,

re-approach those questions calmly. Reminding yourself you are not alone and there are always solutions and answers.


Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2011 by vixstar1314

I believe that everyone has a alter ego, or another “themselves”, because we all “behave” differently around different people, it tends to be more of a thing we have just done throughout our life that it has become so subconscious that we barely think and notice it.For some it’s stronger, for others not so much.

Wikipedia: “Alter-ego is also used to refer to the different behaviors any person may display in various situations”

I guess years ago, it would seem like it’s a very bad psychological disorder as it’s quite similar to split personality, which was frowned upon back in the days but it does not have to be a bad thing. Wikipedia has used some interesting examples, in the form of comic alter ego persona such as Bruce Wayne – Batman, Clark Kent-Superman, Bruce Banner-The Hulk.

Of course there are bad ones too: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Then recent examples: you have in Heroes; Nikki Sanders-Jessica,  Beyonce introducing Sasha Fierce.



……………In anime we have Akito/Agito/Lind Wanijima



“I just can’t tell you what you want to hear,

it does not mean I don’t want to.

Do you see?”




Today I am going to introduce you to someone, say hello to the other me, *enters in* Mia.

Alter Ego – Mia keeps me going at times, she provides me with the encouragement, the strength to go on. Her voice remains me what’s important in life, she remains me God is always by my side. So in another word Mia is like the inner voice in my head who has a name.

I have studied this in the past, I have also done some researching online in regards to this topic, I have read up on many of the reasons behind how this “happens” but they don’t seem to apply to me much, like how traumatic childhood is mainly the reason for this, which is not a issue for me. I think for me it’s more along the line of just the idea of two me. Having “someone” who truly get’s you and is there for you regardless of the matter.  Of course for me there will always be the presence of God too.

I often ask myself (Mia) questions, when I think to myself (Mia get’s involve). It might sound bizarre but she actually keeps me pretty sane. As you have someone who completely knows knows you.

Thoughts: “Just like day and night, I have been split into two. One half is constantly awake, the other half dreaming in a different universe. One half confident, other half lost. One half strong, other half hurting and in pain. One half talkative, the other half unable to say anything. One half feels nothing, the other half feels everything. One half is standing, the other half breaking inside. One half is here, the other half has no where to go. One half is open, the other half is hiding…”

Meaning of Life – Purpose of Life – Point of Life

Posted in Creativity, God, introspective, Life, Personal, Reads, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2011 by vixstar1314

Ok, before you get your hopes up, I would like to put it straight first. This post will not provide you with a clear cut one answer. You probably knew deep down that there is no one answer to the meaning/purpose/point of life.

Everyone tends to have their own meaning of life, their purpose and point of life, this could be in terms of their job, family, money, religion, wants, love etc….But truth be told, there is no set answer, everyone is living life, the way they want to, the best they know how to.

In life, we go through so many phases; highs, lows, pain, happiness, joy, tears, heartaches, fear, success, failures the list goes on. There are so many times when we hit rock bottom that we wish we knew the “real” meaning of life, and where there is no suffering or pain, but the thing is, existing without the negative feelings and emotions will result in nothing.

Everything we experience will in turn contribute to our personal growth. For me I am still quite young, I have experienced some stuff, I have come to finally accept that there is no clear meaning of life, this does not mean that I am not “living.” It means that I have decided to stop using my valuable time to question something that is greater than this world, it’s one of those questions that cannot be “truly” answered. It’s something out of this universe. There is a bigger purpose and meaning that we as humans cannot answer. Something that is way bigger than you and me. Whether you believe in God or not. I believe there is a greater force beyond us that will provide this, God. Or just that there is actually nothing. See, cannot be completely explained. So “Free yourself”, do not question so much which you cannot ever get a definite answer for. “Let it go.”

Ask yourself this:

“what do I want today?”

“the near future?”

“what do I live for?”

This will enable you to live your own life. Do not fear death, or the end of life. For everyone will end up there.

Do not fear stuff that everyone has but you don’t seem to have, as life works in mysterious ways what is right for them may not be right for you.

Do not become fixated on what others have, because then you will not be able to see the things that are right in front of you.

So let me share what my answers are, to give you some ideas:

“what do I want today?” – to share some thoughts, feelings, experiences with people, to maybe provide some perspective and hopefully help you, even if it’s just making you think a bit about your own life.

“the near future?” – to travel and see the world whilst helping people in different countries.

“what do I live for?” – to be a better person, personal growth, to help people.

If your still reading than I have at least succeeded in captivating you for a short period of time, which means hopefully you will take away just a little of what I have written and be able to change your life in a way that hopefully will help you. If your still not bored yet then keep reading, it’s about another 3 minutes or so and maybe shine more light for you.

Life can be tough at times, especially in today’s society with all the external pressure and expectations.

Life isn’t always happy and at the peak. There are ups and down.

I am human, just like you, I have sad times, weak moments, pain, but I also have moments when I feel on top of the world, happy, at peace, calm…

I have some regrets, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve suffered, but these have all helped in teaching me  various lessons. Every aspect and moment’s in life ensure that we are continuously shaping ourselves, whether consciously or unconsciously it happens to everyone.  We learn, we experience, we develop, we grow, this is part of life.

Life is something that is completely unbalanced. There is no ultimate equilibrium, even if there is it will only be for a period of time, if it’s too long then the truth is your obviously not living.


little is more: basic is the essential.

happiness is a valuable key.

doing is a form of self purpose

live for the present

time and your existence is limited.

When the end does come for me on this earth, I would like to leave some stuff behind, to live on, to continue to be able to help.

Hopefully my blog will live on:

  1. to reveal and share my life
  2. but above all to try and still help people, to show an understanding, to confer with you, to help, to provide a different view, ideas, information, whatever you would like to call it.

If any of my posts has helped in any way, big or small, I would already be satisfied and smiling.

Why does war still exist?

Posted in Crime, Event, introspective, Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2010 by vixstar1314

Has nothing changed over the generations? In this day and age, war still exists. Time has past, people have evolved, technology has developed, yet we still have war in this world.

What suddenly bought on this topic?

Well I was reading a book and it mentioned MyLai in Vietnam. I was not sure what this was so I googled it, and was shocked to my core at what the results came up with. The pictures were so disturbing, yet I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what actually happened that day.

I hate war, even back at school I use to hate learning about war. Because even just by reading about it, I was left saddened by the thought of all those that were killed and the aftermath of war. I know without the past there is no present and no future. And many wars were part of our past and history but no matter how much I read and learn about it I still cant see how war can be justified. Mass killings, violence. What kind of message is it sending out at the end of the day? The message I see about war is to solve a problem just use violence to deal with it. Thats not setting a good example whatsoever.

Throughout centuries there has always been some sort of war. It use to be spears, shields. Then knifes, arrows, helmets. Then guns, bombs, grenade. Now tanks, helicopters, machine guns. So the weapons used during fightings and wars have changed but people are still involved, mass death still occur.

I find it really hard to get my head around all of this, because I for one, am someone who hates violence and war.  The book I was reading is about evil. ( yes I know, sort of strange book to read but I want to somehow get a better understanding of human mind and evil) It talks about how there must be evil in this world to balance out the good. I guess God has his reasons in creating everything. There is yin and yang. There is right and wrong. So there has to be  good and evil. But within us we hope that good will prevail over evil and goodness will always win. Till this day I still live in hope……

To all those that have died in wars, whether civilians  or soldiers, may you all R.I.P

Dreams are peculiar…..

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2010 by vixstar1314

Till this day, there is still not a full and defined explanation as to how exactly dreams are created and its purpose.

Researchers are still puzzled by dreams.

One thing I hate about dreams are once you wake up, you don’t know the ending of it, its gone forever…………I tend to get a feeling of lost and incomplete.

I had a dream about you last night. It was strange. Maybe it was reflecting one of my worse fears. You was married. Even though it was a dream, my feelings were still really real and I felt emotional inside. It was quite heartbreaking. At the party I ending up getting totally wasted and crashed on your sofa. Per usual the story never ends because I’m awoken…….Maybe for this dream it was a good thing, because I don’t know if I really want to know what I end up doing, and how I would feel at the end.

Some dreams can relate to your life right now, and could maybe be explained. However there are times when I have the most peculiar dreams or I don’t even know how it came about in the first place… dreams are  mysterious things…...but I rather have dreams than not have them at all.

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