Archive for past

The phoenix that is you

Posted in Creativity, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on July 26, 2017 by vixstar1314

You will always be the phoenix.

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No matter how many times I have tried to suppress thoughts of you and lock you deep inside my heart. One way or another when I least expect it, you rise again. Tugging at my mind and heart string. Making me think of the memories we created together, making me wonder how your life is going, do I ever cross your mind?

You will always be the one that I connected the deepest with. That one that I wished in an ideal world we would be one.

I clearly remember this one dream I had a few years ago, whereby my ex-boyfriend was looking at me, I was standing by my current boyfriend who was looking at me, but I was looking at you…I believe on some level this depict my deepest, truest desires and feelings.

The feelings and thoughts about you have decreased over the years. But they still appear several times a month. Sometimes these thoughts are quite dark, like if I was on the brink of death would I miss you the most, would you be my last thought and regret? Maybe you was always my fire, the one that light me most but also the one that burnt me the deepest. However the only thing that is real between us now is the distance…..

 

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Stored here.

Posted in Creativity, Life, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on February 9, 2016 by vixstar1314

Behind every closed door is an unspoken and unmentioned story that is stored.

Behind every eyes are visions and past that are stored.

On every street corner is a building that has seen more than anyone has through centuries.

On every street corner stores many stories of passers

Flipping backwards to some old posts

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on December 7, 2015 by vixstar1314

It is strange when I read back on some of my posts and writings, it is like deep down I have expressed so much but over time during each day I forget the essential aspects. They are forced out by daily routines, society’s so call “norms,” and the noises surrounding me constantly from other people. It brings me comfort when I re-read some profound old posts I have written which refreshes my frame of mind again. Brings out the real and meaningful aspects of life again. It reminds me I have grown and developed into as a good person even more than before. I may not have “grown” in the “traditional” way in terms of increase of money, however I have obtained what I believe is more worthy and valuable than money itself. Qualities and experiences that money cannot buy in any way. If I was to cease to exist in this world today, I can put my hand on my heart to say I have lived as much as I could in the time I have been given. I have consciously tried not to waste my time on meaningless aspects in life. I have spent my time on people and aspects that personally mean a lot to me.

The feeling of missing

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on November 16, 2015 by vixstar1314

Thoughts, memories and pictures of you, of us from back then still tugs inside of me.

You will probably never know but I still miss you dearly every now and then.

Well perhaps not exactly you, but the things we used to be, the connection, what we were, what we use to be.

It hurts yet I know it was beautiful.

To everyone who once knew me or knows me

Posted in Event, introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on August 15, 2015 by vixstar1314

A strong floating thought: If words were enough to explain what you meant to me during the past or even now….. how you have influenced and changed me. The impact you had and still have on me today. Somehow you all are still a part of me whether that is through memories, personalities or my thoughts.

Tonight

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , on July 21, 2015 by vixstar1314

Tonight I thought I bumped into you on the street, after what nearly 2 years?

In that instant my heart and mind actually skipped a beat or two. I froze completely not knowing what to think or feel. Then I realized it wasn’t you. The after effect made me rather shocked, does this mean if I bumped into you for real I may actually blank out. I am shocked by my own reaction and response even at that “mistaken encounter”

History – You

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on June 1, 2015 by vixstar1314

You – Your impact on me was so significant. To the point that even today, even now my mind and heart can’t help but float like a soul back to your side. But to the old you, the old me, the old us. Maybe it is because I cannot have you so I wanted it more, you will always be the one that I tried so hard to grab onto even when you had gone. I held onto the love, addiction, obsession, want and memories even as they started to fall out of the grasp of my hand. You will always be the one that dented, cut and wounded me the deepest. But don’t get me wrong I want you but I want the previous you. The you 5-6 years ago. When you was more simple and innocent. Untainted and uncorrupted by life and reality. I guess it doesn’t hurt to imagine, even if it is only for a minutes to go back. To conjure something completely different as a future….

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