Archive for love

The phoenix that is you

Posted in Creativity, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on July 26, 2017 by vixstar1314

You will always be the phoenix.

phoenix.jpg

No matter how many times I have tried to suppress thoughts of you and lock you deep inside my heart. One way or another when I least expect it, you rise again. Tugging at my mind and heart string. Making me think of the memories we created together, making me wonder how your life is going, do I ever cross your mind?

You will always be the one that I connected the deepest with. That one that I wished in an ideal world we would be one.

I clearly remember this one dream I had a few years ago, whereby my ex-boyfriend was looking at me, I was standing by my current boyfriend who was looking at me, but I was looking at you…I believe on some level this depict my deepest, truest desires and feelings.

The feelings and thoughts about you have decreased over the years. But they still appear several times a month. Sometimes these thoughts are quite dark, like if I was on the brink of death would I miss you the most, would you be my last thought and regret? Maybe you was always my fire, the one that light me most but also the one that burnt me the deepest. However the only thing that is real between us now is the distance…..

 

fire-heart.jpg

The untold and unfinish but understandable story

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on April 19, 2016 by vixstar1314

It was always going to be unfinished.

From the moment when I finally realised what had happened, how overtime my feelings, your feelings, our feelings had developed and interconnected, I foresaw the not so complete ending.My gut feeling, my inkling was strong and accurate however this didn’t soften the blow in the end. I knew it was coming but it was never easy or possible to dissolve the feelings that were engraved into me.

After all that had happened, after the years that had past. The unbearable pains that torn through every corner of my insides, the sleepless nights, the buckets of tears and the restless days. Here I am today. 

So much untold and unfinish and today won’t be the day they are unwrapped but I have an understanding of what I have been through, how you were and still are good in my eyes. I have yet to fully escape but I think I never will. After everything I still can’t leave all the feelings behind. You are still part of my thoughts, less than before, but still presence some days and nights. Most of the time it brings me comfort now rather than pain. I guess time does heal aspects no matter what.

I could never really define how and why it all started but I knew why and how it had to be an unfinished ending.

This is the story I will never be able to completely write…

 

 

Being able to step into 2016

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2015 by vixstar1314

….is a gift.

Life and today isn’t a given. To have what you have today is already a gift. Treasure it, as you don’t know if tomorrow would come. Furthermore if you wish to go back to yesterday it is impossible.

As people say: live everyday like it is your last day and one day you will be right. Upon being on the last day of 2015 and approaching 2016, I see past and future. Old and new. Death and Life. We are guaranteed a mixture of these in our life time but often we cannot control them. Especially in today’s society I feel that there is higher risks all around us than ever before. Is it bad to feel unsafe in your own society, the world seems to have become a more scarier place. Therefore I would like to be able to control what I write and when it appears. I know tomorrow may come but I what to leave this behind in case it doesn’t. So when that day comes round I will be physically right one last time and I would like to convey the following:

The strangeness of it all is that upon reading this message it will truly be from the past into your future. Odd and sad but hopefully with a touch of much-needed answers and providing meaningful understanding about me over the years from reading my posts. There are so many times when I had not been able to put both my thoughts and feelings into speech and I guess that would be most difficult for those closest to me, my family. I have often not been able to say the simplest but truest aspect of I love you, I understand. But the truth is I really do.

Deep down within me I always felt like I could do good for this world, day-to-day I try to be a better person and citizen to fellow people. I believe there is good in us all. So lets all say bye to the bad and sad in 2015 and start a fresh in 2016, if we have that gift to step into 2016 treasure it and make it worth wild.

What I count as a form of very sad moments in life…

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Personal, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , on October 30, 2015 by vixstar1314

….When love isn’t enough – when two people deeply love each other but the force of something or someone else is strong enough to cause them to part even though they both know they love each other, that is one of the saddest situations to be in. For every commitment, change or choice one makes they forgo another aspect in their life. Sometimes without even realising they are doing it. Worse is when they have their priorities wrong and not even knowing it themselves, until they look back and realise…but then it is already too late, it has passed by…becoming regrets.

Even though it is said love is the greatest power, because people die for love. It is unexplainable feelings which defy logic and reasoning at times.

Short burst of adrenaline love or long-enduring true meaningful one? I personally would go with the latter.

Another sad irony has to be when what originally bought two people together, is in the end what also tears and separates them. Leading to them going their separate ways. That is one of the most sad and tragic irony of life and love….

Paradox of life

Posted in Creativity, Life, Personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2015 by vixstar1314

My worse fear is the deaths of those I care. Yet they are realities which will happen eventually just not sure when. And the realisation and thought that is just heart wrenching. Paradox of life and love is death and pain.

This is life!

I may look young but I have seen and known pain and suffering. I have experienced a lot of bumps and falls in my life.

My foundations of life and living is rather profound. However I rarely share these with those around me as I am consciously aware that the majority of them have been bound by perspectives created by society known as “life today,” the images, the celebs, the materialistic aspects, the need for more of everything that is in actual fact hollow and empty, the short bursts of what they deems as “happiness.” In a non conform society one would see these stuff as without depth. Therefore I feel as if i have been born into the wrong time and place. An alien on this planet in this “society”.

So I reframe from expressing majority of my thoughts and feelings because they are so different from others. So much more clear and clean  cut. I guess this is where my blog comes in sometimes, as here I feel that the typing allows the freedom in me to flow out into a different hemisphere – the cloud.

All Of The Stars

Posted in Lyrics, Music, Songs, soundtrack with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2015 by vixstar1314

“All Of The Stars” – Ed Sheeran

“It’s just another night
And I’m staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star
And thought of you
I sang a lullaby
By the waterside and knew
If you were here,
I’d sing to you
You’re on the other side
As the skyline splits in two
I’m miles away from seeing you
But I can see the stars
From America
I wonder, do you see them, too?

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

I can hear your heart
On the radio beat
They’re playing ‘Chasing Cars’
And I thought of us
Back to the time,
You were lying next to me
I looked across and fell in love
So I took your hand
Back through lamp-lit streets and knew
Everything led back to you
So can you see the stars?
Over Amsterdam
You’re the song my heart is
Beating to

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

And, oh, I know
And oh, I know, oh
I can see the stars
From America”

“Mother”

Posted in Creativity, Event, Life, Society with tags , , , on May 8, 2015 by vixstar1314

Tear jerking video of what “mother” means to different people:

https://youtu.be/n3J-LvI_mWc

Very sweet

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