Archive for Alive

When I feel….

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , on September 4, 2015 by vixstar1314

There are times when I struggle to feel like I “exist” or that I am”alive.”

I am not sure why I feel like this at times, but I find that when this happens I will behave more recklessly and find that I add risk more to myself. So like when I am on the edge of stuff there is such a greater adrenaline that it makes me feel alive. I often wonder if this is self-destructive mode?!!

Letting go

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal with tags , , , , on March 10, 2015 by vixstar1314

I have finally reached that line and walked over it.

The line of letting go of you.

LettingGo

I always knew you meant much more to me than I meant to you, however I thought at the very least I had a significant meaning of worthy value to you. But time told me differently. Quite a significant period of time had passed by, your distance and isolation of me had nearly frozen everything inside of me. It got to a point where it hurt so much it finally scattered and thus, I was truly free.

Memories of you and of us will always linger. I am sure once in a while my mind will wonder what you are up to, how is life for you, do you ever regret the way you treated me? However the impact you caused attacked me from all directions continuously, it was emotionally, financially and mentally. These subsequently affected me on a physical level as well. I endured this in my mind even after you had left for a long period of time. You let me down so badly and betrayed my trust to the extent that words will never be able to comprehend. It took so much and so long to stand back up and recover from it all. But I can now put my hand on my heart and say I am finally able to let go.

LetGo

Lost and blurry

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, lost, Personal, Society with tags , , , , , , on February 3, 2015 by vixstar1314

I can see a few lights scattered around me,

however the world around me seems and feels so blurry IMG_9100

I am struggling to see the clear path that I so badly need and want.

All that is left is to wander around into the dark.

Hoping to find a way out.

IMG_0180

Take Me To Church

Posted in Creativity, Lyrics, Music, Songs with tags , , , , , , , on February 2, 2015 by vixstar1314

“Take Me To Church” – Hozier

My lover’s got humour
She’s the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody’s disapproval
I should’ve worshipped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak
She’s the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week

‘We were born sick, ‘ you heard them say it

My Church offers no absolutes
She tells me, ‘Worship in the bedroom.’
The only heaven I’ll be sent to
Is when I’m alone with you—

I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

If I’m a pagan of the good times
My lover’s the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That’s a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We’ve a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.

[Chorus 2x:]
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life

The grey area

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, lost, Personal with tags , , , , , , , on January 29, 2015 by vixstar1314

I am simple yet also complex.

Sometimes it is unbearable to have so much going on in my mind. I constantly question how and why? No wonder it is all so confusing and blurry.

Far too often I can barely find the words to articulate a third of what I think or feel. I am locked in my own self.
This blog is in a strange way my support, my comfort my salvation from all the scary noises in reality that can be so painful and messy to me.

Darkness in me

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2015 by vixstar1314

Writing opens a whole new world. The words make it more real. It provides it with an another home aside from my brain. This way it is more concrete and solid.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me re-live lessons like flashbacks. But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

I have always felt there was a degree of darkness in me. Ones which I have been unable to talk about with anyone. The darkness is not at other people. More to do with me.
The dark thoughts that linger in my mind. The dark empty feelings I feel about this world, the lost hope and belief that have drawn on what I use to think was a great world.
The dark holes inside of me that have come about after dents that have been marked onto me over the years from lost, betrayal, stumble upon stumbles of problems, pain,

But I am aware that with dark comes light. thus, we continue to live on.

Lost in Life

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2015 by vixstar1314

Life moves constantly.

However when we feel like we are stuck in a dark place this can feel like never ending. Eternity. I can honestly share with you that in my life I have been through countless highs and low. There have been times where I have been lost in life.

Each time I muscle up the strength to bring myself back to make the changes needed.

By saying things like:

Your life. It is your own personal story. Review and reflect in between living it, then push forward. Continue on. Live it!

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breaths of my soul

Aspiration, the act of drawing breath, a hope or ambition of achieving something. "But it is a spirit in man, And the breath of the Almighty gives them understanding. Job 32:8

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