In the EnD….No one can predict…………

the future………..

No one can really predict what’s going to happen tomorrow, today is a blessing, tomorrow is unknown……….Anything could happen. If something does happen to me and I ain’t here tomorrow or one day, I guess I would like to leave something behind, to say some things….

Does this make me pessimistic? I think not, more of a realist. Nothing in life is certain, people die every minute or even second around the world, do you think Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson etc…knew that their time on earth was going to end?  Of course this applies to most people not just famous people. Everyone will die it’s just a matter of when……….

If something does happen to me, I would like to thank God for giving me everything that I have. In my life there has been peaks and falls, sometimes I have fallen so low I wonder even if I could get back up. But I have remembered one thing there is only so low that you can fall, till you hit the bottom and all that is left to happen from there is rise again!

Would I have regrets?? Without hesitation I would have to answer yes! There would have been things I would have liked to have done, said, experienced. But I acknowledge that in life sometimes things don’t always go your way.

Some say live today like it’s your last day on earth. Trust me I would love to, but certain actions, and things that I would like to say, would lead to big repercussions and consequences. Hence why I cannot do this, and would have regrets.

I presume it would likely be:

1. Did not get to experience and see my future, and the future of those I care about.

2. Not knowing how you felt and not have told you what I was thinking.

3. Not having my own kids. Wondering what might have been.

I am someone who likes to keep personal things and thoughts within, whether that is a quality or a flaw I still haven’t quite figured out, I really don’t know, I have tried to change but it does not seem to work. So I guess that’s why I have this blog…..

To “you”: the one that I spend so many countless nights, days thinking about. I have never had such feelings for anyone like this before. It’s strange, because it all just suddenly clicked, and that was it. I had no control of it, at times I really did not want these feelings I had for you. Yet I knew if my life did not have you in it I would not want to go on. I tried for a month or so, and it was so tough. My pure logic knows it should not, yet my heart fights against it and wins most the time. How? Why? It’s you, I truly cannot 100% understand, but I know for sure you matter so much to me. If I had to, I would move mountains for you, organize everything so neatly just for you. I have spent countless hours thinking about you. I often wonder whether you do the same. Seeing you, being in your company, makes everything great,  sometimes when I’m around you I get nervous and I just don’t know what to say, you still make my heart beat faster than it should. When we part, i miss you immediately. There is a strong sense of love, yet there is also pain, because I’m so scared of losing you. One of my worse fears was presented in my mind in the form of a dream, which left me with so much hate and pain. Even the thought of losing you made me wonder whether I could go on.

Even though you have such a strong control over me, I still would not have had it any other way. Because at this precise moment in time, my heart beats for you. I dedicate most of my time to you. The conflict within me has at times been unbearable, yet I would not have it any other way. Things might be different in the future but my feelings for you at this current point exists.

I would like to thank my family for everything that they have given me even if there are times when I lose my patience a bit but I just want to say I have always loved you’s not perfect, but what in life is?? they say God picks your family, and I’m happy with God’s decision.

My super close friends(literally like my 2nd family, at times I must admit closer….) ~ you guys must know who you are(yes, yes, you, and you and you etc..) if you still don’t know who you are I might have to rethink it.ok one last hint, names beginning with n, y,u,m,e,c,m,t

“They say God picks the family and you pick your friends” fate has enabled me to find you all, and I’ve been blessed to have had you all in my life…and if I had to pick again I will do it every time =) We have had so many great and memorable times together. you are the glint and light in my eyes. You guys know me so well, sometimes even reading my mind with great accuracy. You guys have had such a huge impact on my life that you cannot begin to imagine. I love you all……

To my colleagues at my first official work place, who have also turned into my friends, you have made work fun and enjoyable, you have welcomed me into the family. When I first got the job I never imagined that I would become so connected to a workplace and to the people. I feel as if I am a part of it and it’s a part of me now. Furthermore the occasional meeting  up after work are also great. I want to deeply thank you all for making me really like working there…I have learnt quite a lot, and you have unconsciously had an impacted on my life…Thank you for giving me many many good years.

To my dear friends, there have been times when we lose contact with each other, but no matter what I’m very grateful I met you all, you have all given me happy times in my life…and whether we lose contact or not you will always be my friend…..

And to others who know me, thank you for entering my life…one way or another you have had an affect on my life……………..

Words cannot fully express everything but I have tried my best. You may have wondered why I have never really said this or how it would have been more “right” to say it to you face to face. Well once again vixstar’s flaws, it’s easier for me to type than to say!!!!

In the end, I hope I have left some good behind, I would like to think that I have done my best to be a good person, to live my life but at the same time treat everyone with respect, helped people, put a smile on their face, warmed their heart at some point, made a difference, it may have been just small differences but I hope my way of life was right and that I was someone that God is proud of.

Anyways God bless, and hope everything goes well………Do what’s right and be happy………… ShineAlittle

May a little part of me stay in the night sky to provide you with a little light.




Part II

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