Archive for the This May Help U! Category

It has been a long time

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2017 by vixstar1314

I am aware that I have not blogged for several months. I am not sure why this is. I still have lots of feelings and thoughts embedded within me, and still require it to be unloaded. However I may have been trying to not process my thoughts as much as I have use to. Whether that has done me good or not I cannot say for sure.

Anyways I was on the bus recently and I thought of you, my blog. The trigger was from thinking of my past and the super tough time I had gone through many many years ago and how that part of me was still placed somewhere within this blog.

I guess this post is more of a self-reflection post.

Several years ago there was a very long period of time, almost a year when I had fallen extremely deep into a black hole. This was mainly due to someone, but it wasn’t helped with the situations and confusion that I felt during that point in my life. Also because of the way I am and how often I feel more darkness than most so this spiral much further than it should had. Whereby I was left extremely unsure if I could or even wanted to come back up from it. It got to a stage when I had been in it for so long that I started to believe this was the norm and I should just give up on trying.

I must admit I still find myself daily feeling a very strong dark bubble around me, at times like I am struggling to breathe. I don’t believe I have actually tried to put it in words before as such. Well lets just say I get a lot of negative thoughts and that most days I struggle to pull myself out of bed. The thought of it makes me rather sad. However the bad thing is, I know that my life isn’t terrible and nothing is specifically wrong so I should be alright, yet I am not and that baffles me, but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness within me that I cannot quite explain to myself or others. But over time I have learnt to manage it as well as I could. However every month or so I do burn out and break down. I somehow release the emotions and the cycle begins again.

It isn’t anywhere as bad as it use to be but now I know I can never get rid of it. It is a part of my life.

I believe I have now found a name for it and realised it exists elsewhere aside from within my mind and body. It is High function depression.

Reading this article  on huffington post gave me clarity and made me feek less alone and abnormal. From gaining a better understanding of it I have been able to feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

 

The non existence

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , on March 10, 2016 by vixstar1314

The non existence of “fair”

There is nothing in this world which can be said is fair. Aside from the word itself that exists.

There will never be perfection.

Even though this is known, at times I struggle to make peace with this. Of how sometimes grey exists. Of how this world is, how there are so many wrongs. So many unfairness and unbalance. Thus I try to convince myself just to let it be….

Being able to step into 2016

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2015 by vixstar1314

….is a gift.

Life and today isn’t a given. To have what you have today is already a gift. Treasure it, as you don’t know if tomorrow would come. Furthermore if you wish to go back to yesterday it is impossible.

As people say: live everyday like it is your last day and one day you will be right. Upon being on the last day of 2015 and approaching 2016, I see past and future. Old and new. Death and Life. We are guaranteed a mixture of these in our life time but often we cannot control them. Especially in today’s society I feel that there is higher risks all around us than ever before. Is it bad to feel unsafe in your own society, the world seems to have become a more scarier place. Therefore I would like to be able to control what I write and when it appears. I know tomorrow may come but I what to leave this behind in case it doesn’t. So when that day comes round I will be physically right one last time and I would like to convey the following:

The strangeness of it all is that upon reading this message it will truly be from the past into your future. Odd and sad but hopefully with a touch of much-needed answers and providing meaningful understanding about me over the years from reading my posts. There are so many times when I had not been able to put both my thoughts and feelings into speech and I guess that would be most difficult for those closest to me, my family. I have often not been able to say the simplest but truest aspect of I love you, I understand. But the truth is I really do.

Deep down within me I always felt like I could do good for this world, day-to-day I try to be a better person and citizen to fellow people. I believe there is good in us all. So lets all say bye to the bad and sad in 2015 and start a fresh in 2016, if we have that gift to step into 2016 treasure it and make it worth wild.

What I count as a form of very sad moments in life…

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Personal, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , on October 30, 2015 by vixstar1314

….When love isn’t enough – when two people deeply love each other but the force of something or someone else is strong enough to cause them to part even though they both know they love each other, that is one of the saddest situations to be in. For every commitment, change or choice one makes they forgo another aspect in their life. Sometimes without even realising they are doing it. Worse is when they have their priorities wrong and not even knowing it themselves, until they look back and realise…but then it is already too late, it has passed by…becoming regrets.

Even though it is said love is the greatest power, because people die for love. It is unexplainable feelings which defy logic and reasoning at times.

Short burst of adrenaline love or long-enduring true meaningful one? I personally would go with the latter.

Another sad irony has to be when what originally bought two people together, is in the end what also tears and separates them. Leading to them going their separate ways. That is one of the most sad and tragic irony of life and love….

The World we live in….

Posted in Creativity, Event, God, introspective, Life, Society, This May Help U! with tags , , , , on June 29, 2015 by vixstar1314

TheWorld

The need to feel alive

Posted in Event, introspective, Life, Personal, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on August 25, 2014 by vixstar1314

 

Sometimes I don’t feel alive it is hard to explain it is just a feeling of non existence.
I don’t know why I feel that because in everyday life I feel too much about every single thing which is happening around me and globally.
To feel that I’m alive again I have to step on the edge.
Come close to death itself.
To feel that buzz and adrenaline.

 

Rise_and_Fall

 

Oscar Wilde Quote – To live…

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Personal, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , on July 21, 2014 by vixstar1314

OscarWilde_ToLive

Don’t live only just to exist. Be more than that.

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