Archive for the Story Category

Let it

Posted in introspective, Life, Personal, Story with tags , , , , , on December 28, 2014 by vixstar1314

I have tried to let you go,

but I struggle to let myself go…

It is like my brain and heart has been pulled out.

Then something else I cannot control has been instead put inside of me,

altering what I was,

or could have been.


Posted in Creativity, Event, introspective, Life, Lyrics, Music, Personal, Reads, Songs, Story with tags , , , , , , , on December 8, 2014 by vixstar1314

I & Home?

I would too often feel as if I am a spectator in my own life and in this world. Feeling as if I am constantly watching “normal” people go about their lives. Hoping to get some clarity or answers in this void I feel from time to time.

I struggle to fit in. I feel so alone. Even with family members I don’t seem to connect or fit in. I don’t understand why I don’t feel complete.

I see the world so differently from most people.

I wonder where home is for me, will there ever be somewhere I feel totally comfortable in……

I leave you with this beautiful song:


“Home” Michael Buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In either Paris or Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
And let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It’ll all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Personal, Story with tags , , , , , on October 7, 2014 by vixstar1314

Once upon a time you was my whole world.
It sprung around for you, and only you.

You was my heaven and hell.
Time would stop when we were together.

The connection was as strong as tungsten.
We didn’t have to define it because only us two felt and knew of it.

We both felt the deepness of our connection.

Two peas in a pod.

But now you only exist deep inside of me.
You now feel like a stranger to me.
Yet the past you haunts me still.
You exist in every hidden corner of my soul, mind, heart, mind.
Alll but memories now.

Times continues to move

Posted in Creativity, Event, introspective, Life, Personal, Reads, Story, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2014 by vixstar1314

Times continues to move, like an oscillator. For so long last year I had become very numb to time, as I was for most of it stuck in a cycle of what seemed like endless confusion, anger and pain. My body and mind had seemed to be unable to rescue me out of it all. The impact you had had on my life both mentally and emotionally was like a drug that I couldn’t withdraw from. My means of going cold turkey was by submerging myself into unconsciousness through sleep and zoning out into my imagination, whereby my makeshift world was perfect. So perfect that I didn’t want to leave. It was an escape that I craved more and more. I had tried so many different methods of trying to restore myself but nothing lasted long enough. You had walked away like it seemed so effortlessly whilst I had fallen so deep into what seemed like a black pit. I forgot and stopped caring what it meant to be alive. As the clock continued to tick on and on, minutes turned to hours, which turned to days, months and a year.

The wise people were right – give it time, time makes pain ease bit by bit. It never truly vaporizes but it does get bearable then eventually it doesn’t consume you as much. It has taken me a long time to emerge bit by bit out of this darkness.

Scared, broken, re-borned, stronger and hopefully wiser. I am aware that I am not completely out, however I know there is some form of light. Certain encounters into my life have acted as very welcomed visitors who have come in but at the same time have pulled/rescued me from my inner dark shell.

Remember there is always light somewhere, just hold on even when all you can see is darkness. Time will provide more light…


Ayrton Senna da Silva – 20 years on…

Posted in Creativity, Event, God, introspective, Life, Personal, Reads, Society, Story, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2014 by vixstar1314

This day 20 years ago the world lost a racing hero, but he was known not only for the racing but for his extremely unique personality, style in life, passion and faith.

The Brazilian’s death 20 years ago rocked Nations.

What I personally admire most about Ayrton is his philosophy. They were strange, unique and powerful in its own way.

Even today 20 years on from his death. As you watch him racing and interviews he had done there was something mysterious about him. It seemed like he had millions of thoughts about the world racing inside his mind. (Maybe he did as he secretly donated millions to help poor children).  He had touched the lives of many during and after his life. There seemed to be a special awe about him which is difficult to comprehend or explain but I see him as an idol.

“We are made of emotions,” he once said. He always seemed to live on the edge whether that was in racing or in life, he dared to be different.

“Just because I believe in God, just because I have faith in God, it doesn’t mean that I’m immune. It doesn’t mean that I’m immortal” (1989)

“I am able to experience God’s presence on earth,” he said. “If I go to a church,” he explained, “I go on my own and I like to be there alone. I find more peace that way.” – I truly understand and relate to this. I feel much more connected with God when I am alone with him.

“Sometimes I think I know some of the reasons why I do things the way I do in a car and sometimes I don’t know why,” he said. “There are moments that seem to be the natural instinct that is in me. Whether I have been born with it, or whether this feeling has grown in me more than other people, I don’t know, but it is inside me and it takes over with a great amount of space and intensity.”

It is like he appeared to be constantly finding himself flickering between racing, life and emotions. Even though this seemed jumpy at times one thing is for sure he knew what he wanted.

Gone but never forgotten.



Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Story, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2013 by vixstar1314

dark_snowVixstar1314: *short collection of thoughts*

It has been months,

and it hasn’t made any sense.

Each day I hope it will become clearer,

but my hope was in vain.

As it just becomes more and more murky.

Sinking me further and further.

There was no longer any plans.

No big pictures.

I just struggle through each day,

trying to go by and hold myself up.

Darkness has become so familiar.

Everything has become an illusion.

How can I hate you,

when it would be like hating apart of myself.

Somewhere I still hold onto something.



As we grow

Posted in Creativity, Event, Life, Story, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2013 by vixstar1314

As we grow up, we start to see more, experience more, accumulate more in our life, we learn more about ourselves. This could be a  blessing or it could be a curse. There are many times when knowing about things ain’t always a good thing.

I come to realize that I am an observer of life.  There is so much going on around me, yet I feel as if I am invisible. I see and notice so many details around me, yet I am like a floating ghost to others. I must admit there are many times when I prefer it this way however sometimes I feel very cold and lonely. To see people going about with their life, feels like energy is being drained out from me. I find it to be a big contradiction,  half of me prefers it this way the other half of me hates it so much. I look at life and the complexity of it and the complexity of it in my mind is brutal, far too often it leaves me feeling so lost. I wonder if anyone out there understands or has similar thoughts……….


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