Archive for the Mind – Psychology Category

RIP Chester Bennington may you find peace in the beyond

Posted in Creativity, Event, Life, lost, Lyrics, Mind - Psychology, Music, Personal, Society, Songs, soundtrack, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2017 by vixstar1314

Mental health illness of depression and suicide are real things.
It is scary because they are demons others can’t truly hear or see. But for the people who suffer from it, it’s rather constant because the thoughts are always there. It’s so difficult to be able to shut them out and escape.depression.jpg

Over the years these have gotten worse and more and more people suffer from it. On some levels the awareness is being bought to more people’s attention.
Just a few days ago the suicide of : Chester Bennington rocked the world as a whole. Linkin Park’s music had save millions and for Chester it saved him for two decades as well but finally the pain within got too much.

Chester B.jpg

Imagine for him to sing these lyrics that he wrote, must have both been a way of releasing it from inside but also from seeing his eyes during live performances you would notice it was quite painful to associate these words to his past and memories. Music was definitely a hemisphere where he would go to escape and to express so much inside that he had built up.

From the words in many of the songs it clearly depicts his life journey, thoughts, darkness, happiness and emotions. So much power in these words alone. Let alone what was actually going on inside his heart and mind must have been a billion times more.

To have to result to taking that final step of taking his own life after experiencing the outcome of what happened when his friend Chris Cornell took his life and knowing the impact of it all and how hurt and hard it was on his family, friends and fans. Meant he really couldn’t take it anymore.
Suicide is never so clear-cut, you cannot blame the person who did it and you definitely feel so sorry for those they leave behind.

The very scary thing is, from experience I think a lot of people who have or are going through deep depression know that deep deep down they have locked a specific demon away as hard as they can. The demon that whispers to them to end it all. This is one of the hardest thing to do because it continues to fight so often to try to come out.
When I hear the lyrics from Linkin Park’s Leave out all the rest:

“When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest”

I feel like something inside of Chester knew one day if it happened when that demon manages to come out and he cannot take it anymore these words are to all those he loved and cared about to ask for their forgiveness but also giving them the power to continue on without him. Hence why this song is one of my favourite from them because these words are something that echo more than just simple words but stringing it all together provides an explanation on some level.

I truly hope all those gentle souls who were unable to find peace in this world can in the beyond.

 

RIP

It has been a long time

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2017 by vixstar1314

I am aware that I have not blogged for several months. I am not sure why this is. I still have lots of feelings and thoughts embedded within me, and still require it to be unloaded. However I may have been trying to not process my thoughts as much as I have use to. Whether that has done me good or not I cannot say for sure.

Anyways I was on the bus recently and I thought of you, my blog. The trigger was from thinking of my past and the super tough time I had gone through many many years ago and how that part of me was still placed somewhere within this blog.

I guess this post is more of a self-reflection post.

Several years ago there was a very long period of time, almost a year when I had fallen extremely deep into a black hole. This was mainly due to someone, but it wasn’t helped with the situations and confusion that I felt during that point in my life. Also because of the way I am and how often I feel more darkness than most so this spiral much further than it should had. Whereby I was left extremely unsure if I could or even wanted to come back up from it. It got to a stage when I had been in it for so long that I started to believe this was the norm and I should just give up on trying.

I must admit I still find myself daily feeling a very strong dark bubble around me, at times like I am struggling to breathe. I don’t believe I have actually tried to put it in words before as such. Well lets just say I get a lot of negative thoughts and that most days I struggle to pull myself out of bed. The thought of it makes me rather sad. However the bad thing is, I know that my life isn’t terrible and nothing is specifically wrong so I should be alright, yet I am not and that baffles me, but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness within me that I cannot quite explain to myself or others. But over time I have learnt to manage it as well as I could. However every month or so I do burn out and break down. I somehow release the emotions and the cycle begins again.

It isn’t anywhere as bad as it use to be but now I know I can never get rid of it. It is a part of my life.

I believe I have now found a name for it and realised it exists elsewhere aside from within my mind and body. It is High function depression.

Reading this article  on huffington post gave me clarity and made me feek less alone and abnormal. From gaining a better understanding of it I have been able to feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

 

Just because

Posted in introspective, Life, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Thoughts on February 24, 2016 by vixstar1314

Just because I have to live on, to stay alive, even if I don’t feel like it.

I am mainly kept alive by oxygen, even though breathing comes naturally, it feels like an effort.

Time never seems enough.

I often wonder what life is really about. Looking ahead, into a so-call future I see nothing as such. So they say live in the now, just because…

You don’t know the 1/4 of it

Posted in Creativity, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Thoughts on February 14, 2016 by vixstar1314

There are times when I would like to tell others they don’t know the 1/4 of it. If anyone would ever see the inside of my brain it would give them a massive headache.

My brain ticks constantly. I find it so difficult to stop it from thinking. I absorb my whole surrounding and it hurts. However I can’t stop it.

My mind thinks about so much, so intense, so profound, so deep, so complexed and layered that it gets me to the point where I see the world in a stark view and how we all essentially live to die, and in between stuff are just experiences and processes that moves us along the way to the end.

I often find my mind seeing things that people usually forgo like the color of the sky, the sounds of the birds, the sun, moon and stars changing. I get the universe is massive and we are just a dot within it.

 

Flipping backwards to some old posts

Posted in Creativity, introspective, Life, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Thoughts with tags , , , , , on December 7, 2015 by vixstar1314

It is strange when I read back on some of my posts and writings, it is like deep down I have expressed so much but over time during each day I forget the essential aspects. They are forced out by daily routines, society’s so call “norms,” and the noises surrounding me constantly from other people. It brings me comfort when I re-read some profound old posts I have written which refreshes my frame of mind again. Brings out the real and meaningful aspects of life again. It reminds me I have grown and developed into as a good person even more than before. I may not have “grown” in the “traditional” way in terms of increase of money, however I have obtained what I believe is more worthy and valuable than money itself. Qualities and experiences that money cannot buy in any way. If I was to cease to exist in this world today, I can put my hand on my heart to say I have lived as much as I could in the time I have been given. I have consciously tried not to waste my time on meaningless aspects in life. I have spent my time on people and aspects that personally mean a lot to me.

Night time thoughts

Posted in Creativity, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , on October 11, 2015 by vixstar1314

At night my thoughts are dark just like the night skies. At times just like the clouds lingering around my thoughts. They are clouded. Once in a blue moon the light and stars appear allowing me to see the light on the other side of the tunnel. Nevertheless the night brings a sort of strange peace among all these because it generally lets me be free from having to fully interact with others, as I sit around the quiet night whilst most are asleep in a different world, I, myself are kept awaken by my thoughts that pull me deep into the dark, the darkness.

So very broken

Posted in introspective, Life, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , on August 3, 2015 by vixstar1314

There are so many pieces inside of me, maybe some which have always been there from birth, which I have never been able to shake off/change/grow out of.

Then there are those pieces that have been broken over the years and some were lucky enough to be mended and healed but there are still many which remained broken and continued to break further.

At times I seem strong but inside there are countless shattered pieces that at times it seem no matter what I try to do, it wouldn’t fix.

I have tried to run and hide but they always creep back up and haunt me. There is no getting away or mending some of the broken parts. So I just let them keep stabbing inside of me…

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