Archive for the lost Category

It has been a long time

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Personal, Reads, Society, This May Help U!, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2017 by vixstar1314

I am aware that I have not blogged for several months. I am not sure why this is. I still have lots of feelings and thoughts embedded within me, and still require it to be unloaded. However I may have been trying to not process my thoughts as much as I have use to. Whether that has done me good or not I cannot say for sure.

Anyways I was on the bus recently and I thought of you, my blog. The trigger was from thinking of my past and the super tough time I had gone through many many years ago and how that part of me was still placed somewhere within this blog.

I guess this post is more of a self-reflection post.

Several years ago there was a very long period of time, almost a year when I had fallen extremely deep into a black hole. This was mainly due to someone, but it wasn’t helped with the situations and confusion that I felt during that point in my life. Also because of the way I am and how often I feel more darkness than most so this spiral much further than it should had. Whereby I was left extremely unsure if I could or even wanted to come back up from it. It got to a stage when I had been in it for so long that I started to believe this was the norm and I should just give up on trying.

I must admit I still find myself daily feeling a very strong dark bubble around me, at times like I am struggling to breathe. I don’t believe I have actually tried to put it in words before as such. Well lets just say I get a lot of negative thoughts and that most days I struggle to pull myself out of bed. The thought of it makes me rather sad. However the bad thing is, I know that my life isn’t terrible and nothing is specifically wrong so I should be alright, yet I am not and that baffles me, but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness within me that I cannot quite explain to myself or others. But over time I have learnt to manage it as well as I could. However every month or so I do burn out and break down. I somehow release the emotions and the cycle begins again.

It isn’t anywhere as bad as it use to be but now I know I can never get rid of it. It is a part of my life.

I believe I have now found a name for it and realised it exists elsewhere aside from within my mind and body. It is High function depression.

Reading this article  on huffington post gave me clarity and made me feek less alone and abnormal. From gaining a better understanding of it I have been able to feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

 

Dark

Posted in Life, lost, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on October 27, 2016 by vixstar1314

There are some really dark stuff within me.
Thoughts, feelings, emotions about my life, life in general, future, the world.
They ain’t thoughts that are dark towards other people. But more really realistic perspective of the world.
It is said that depressed people have the most realistic view of the world. Maybe that is sort of what I have.
I live with these emotions daily. They peak, fall, balance and disappear unexpectedly. At best they linger behind me constantly and come out occassionally.I have done well to coexist with it all to the extent that people around me no nothing of the extent of these darkness within me, that I try so hard to bury.

The crave in

Posted in Event, Life, lost, Thoughts on May 14, 2016 by vixstar1314

When your world feels like it has just craved in.

You are lost for words and even feelings.

When everything feels so numb around you.

The shock, the confusion, the anger, the frustration, the unknown all becomes overwhelming.

Time stops for those split seconds.

However the pain is the only thing that exist in that space.

When it passes it doesn’t feel any better, just more real. More longer lasting.

 

Where is home?

Posted in introspective, Life, lost, Lyrics, Songs, soundtrack on March 1, 2016 by vixstar1314

I often wonder to myself, where is home?

Which brings me to this home I heard sometime ago……

Lost & Far From Home – Katie Costello

With her head on her pillow and her pain tucked under the sheets

Music playing softly without a steady beat
The TV flickers flames of color; it ignites the room
A black and white face, the colors escape, her heartache

She ran away, so far away
That the streets were no longer paved with lines
The soles of her feet weren’t as tough as she claimed them to be

She wiped her eyes, it was no surprise
That she was lost and far from home, strange unfamiliar signs
Little to coincide, however she packed her bags and made her way
Anywhere her feet could take her

With her arm around her keepsakes and her mind on her mistakes
She climbed a hill – one of a kind, numb to her step, she had to accept
Changed scenery, it was now clear to see torn petals on a flower of her past
Memories she hoped wouldn’t last

She ran away, so far away
That the streets were no longer paved with lines
The sole of her feet weren’t as tough as she claimed them to be

She wiped her eyes, it was no surprise
That she was lost and far from home, strange unfamiliar signs
Little to coincide, however she packed her bags and made her way
Anywhere her feet could take her

With her head on her pillow and her pain tucked under the sheets
Music playing softly without a steady beat, without a steady beat

Fly

Posted in Creativity, Life, lost, Personal on February 27, 2016 by vixstar1314

My thoughts and feelings written in letters,

fly around and become doves,

going back to where they belong,

back to its purest form of nature itself.

fly.png

One Way

Posted in Creativity, Life, lost, Lyrics, Music, Songs, soundtrack on February 19, 2016 by vixstar1314
One Way – Rose Cousins
I break where you bend.
I take what you send.
And we both pretend,
But I start where you end.

When I say, you know.
When I fall, you go.
I row this boat
Too fast, too slow.

I’ve got one way,
And you’ve got one way.

I break where you bend.
I take what you send.
We both pretend,
But I know that I start where you end.

Where you end.
Where you end.
Where you end.
Where you end.
Where you end.

You don’t know the 1/4 of it

Posted in Creativity, Life, lost, Mind - Psychology, Thoughts on February 14, 2016 by vixstar1314

There are times when I would like to tell others they don’t know the 1/4 of it. If anyone would ever see the inside of my brain it would give them a massive headache.

My brain ticks constantly. I find it so difficult to stop it from thinking. I absorb my whole surrounding and it hurts. However I can’t stop it.

My mind thinks about so much, so intense, so profound, so deep, so complexed and layered that it gets me to the point where I see the world in a stark view and how we all essentially live to die, and in between stuff are just experiences and processes that moves us along the way to the end.

I often find my mind seeing things that people usually forgo like the color of the sky, the sounds of the birds, the sun, moon and stars changing. I get the universe is massive and we are just a dot within it.

 

Life Lessons

an Owner's Guide

Destiny Of Life

What makes Life Precious is that it has to end.

Fun in the Fire

On this site, I muse in amusement.

breaths of my soul

Aspiration, the act of drawing breath, a hope or ambition of achieving something. "But it is a spirit in man, And the breath of the Almighty gives them understanding. Job 32:8

CAROL's WORLD

Something for Everyone!

BY's Art

Doodling and Drawing Life