Archive for the Event Category

RIP Chester Bennington may you find peace in the beyond

Posted in Creativity, Event, Life, lost, Lyrics, Mind - Psychology, Music, Personal, Society, Songs, soundtrack, This May Help U!, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2017 by vixstar1314

Mental health illness of depression and suicide are real things.
It is scary because they are demons others can’t truly hear or see. But for the people who suffer from it, it’s rather constant because the thoughts are always there. It’s so difficult to be able to shut them out and escape.depression.jpg

Over the years these have gotten worse and more and more people suffer from it. On some levels the awareness is being bought to more people’s attention.
Just a few days ago the suicide of : Chester Bennington rocked the world as a whole. Linkin Park’s music had save millions and for Chester it saved him for two decades as well but finally the pain within got too much.

Chester B.jpg

Imagine for him to sing these lyrics that he wrote, must have both been a way of releasing it from inside but also from seeing his eyes during live performances you would notice it was quite painful to associate these words to his past and memories. Music was definitely a hemisphere where he would go to escape and to express so much inside that he had built up.

From the words in many of the songs it clearly depicts his life journey, thoughts, darkness, happiness and emotions. So much power in these words alone. Let alone what was actually going on inside his heart and mind must have been a billion times more.

To have to result to taking that final step of taking his own life after experiencing the outcome of what happened when his friend Chris Cornell took his life and knowing the impact of it all and how hurt and hard it was on his family, friends and fans. Meant he really couldn’t take it anymore.
Suicide is never so clear-cut, you cannot blame the person who did it and you definitely feel so sorry for those they leave behind.

The very scary thing is, from experience I think a lot of people who have or are going through deep depression know that deep deep down they have locked a specific demon away as hard as they can. The demon that whispers to them to end it all. This is one of the hardest thing to do because it continues to fight so often to try to come out.
When I hear the lyrics from Linkin Park’s Leave out all the rest:

“When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest”

I feel like something inside of Chester knew one day if it happened when that demon manages to come out and he cannot take it anymore these words are to all those he loved and cared about to ask for their forgiveness but also giving them the power to continue on without him. Hence why this song is one of my favourite from them because these words are something that echo more than just simple words but stringing it all together provides an explanation on some level.

I truly hope all those gentle souls who were unable to find peace in this world can in the beyond.

 

RIP

INFJ

Posted in Creativity, Event, introspective, Life with tags , , , , on March 27, 2017 by vixstar1314

Lately I have remembered the day when I had the light bulb day discovery.

When 4 seemingly simple letters finally helped me come to terms with who I am.
The day I realised that I wasnt alone or freakishly odd and different.

For so long I wasn’t able to put it into words why I was different.

The day I discovered I was rare but not alone in this world.
When I knew I was special and when so much of my past behaviour finally made sense. The pieces finally started to connect nicely together to bring me some peace.

I managed to find the post of what I wrote when I found out and thought I would share it with you. Maybe an INFJ lands on my page and this article with make them feel less alone and find more answers.

 

“GREETINGS, to other INFJ’s!!! Today I finally realised I’m not innately faulty. I had been trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me for far too long. Finally 24 years later, I’m much closer to being at peace with myself and this world.

I became a TRUE MINORITY but strangely enough it was a big relief. To realise I’m NOT ALONE, (I can finally quote the Michael Jackson song to myself and FELLOW INFJ’s – “You are not alone”)
Even if it is just with another 1% of the population has been great. I’m not the only one.

It has been deeply refreshing to have so much light finally shed on “inner me”, to see so many pieces that I have been clutching onto for so long fall into places in such short time. After being given a definition of what I am, has made a lot of things clearer and easier now, but at the same time it makes a lot of things that much harder because of knowing that the world I am living in barely knows INFJ’s exist and how the world itself appears to “value” all other types more so than the INFJ’s.

I guess people like us may have in the past felt even more alienated, before the “birth of the internet”. With the growing influence and power of the internet it has blown a much needed breath of fresh air into the lives of INFJ’s. We have been provided with a platform to comfortably “drop” and “express” our thoughts, feelings and ideas in ways that were previously not so open. More importantly it has allowed us to find out much more about ourselves, to acknowledge that we are not the only strange fishes in the sea. There are others. Yes it is true that there are not many like us; however the internet has allowed us to “find others like us.”

I have often wondered why I see so much around me and inside me, but have been unable to express it freely with others. There are many times when I need to be alone, to think, to reflect, to collect my thoughts and views of numerous aspects in this world. I didn’t understand why no one around me needed to do the same. (I have never known another INFJ or knew of the existence). Why they constantly need to meet up, socialise and talk. I do enjoy this at small dosages but too much would cause my inside to reach overdrive. I would enjoy hours and even days in the company of myself, to lock away myself from the constant buzz of the outside world. I had previously continuously thought something was really wrong with me inside. I felt as if I had split personalities, because I would find it hard to at times to figure myself out. Around my close friends I was bubbly, talkative, active, funny and at comfort. Yet with people I didn’t know, work colleagues, social gatherings I could not help but zone out, become quiet, shy, awkward and appear anti-social. I knew I was doing it but I couldn’t stop or change. Then there were cases where I would help total strangers and wouldn’t be shy in those moments.

A part of me deep down always knew that I had depth, I was thoughtful, I could see things that others may not notice, there was something different about me, but I didn’t know what nor understand how it worked or why I was the way I was.

Today it clicked into place!!!! *I am an INFJ*

With such qualities that we possess:
articulate
– thoughtfulness
– intuitive
observant
– enjoy music, writing and art (which can be seen as solo activities)
– empathic and sensitivity: through the ability to empathise with the concerns of other people and the world.
– clarify of visions: as we often contemplate the complexity of the meaning of life,future and the world.
– valuing deep and close relationships.
– excellent listeners.

Also comes with it many flaws:
– we can be embroiled in solitude.
– incoherent thoughts
– appear to the outside world as someone who is reserved, antisocial, aloof and distant in communication.
– our brains are constantly thinking and ticking away, which can cause ourselves to feel like we have gone into overdrive mode, leaving us feeling drained and tired.
– being seen as too complex and a sheer mystery that refuses to connect with others, creating lots of misunderstanding.
– only being able to share and connect with a hand full of people
– INFJ’s are not easy to live with.
– as connections are strong and rare with others, when these are damaged or broken it will cause deep pain and distress which can shatter INFJ’s to lengths that are unimaginable.
– being able to see through people on so many levels that INFJ’s are able to sense the good and bad in people and situations can trouble our mindset.

Let’s break it down into notches: for the first time in my life I know you as INFJ’s are seeing the world and my views through the same lenses =)

Family: If I had only realised what I am, then you have guessed right they were not aware of who I am. Therefore being around family members can at times feel very demanding, because they are constantly in the same environment as you, yet you need space very often. So this has not been easy. At times I know they think something is really wrong with me inside. This is understandable, because I thought that too. But at the same time they have not been too accepting. However I guess if you are not sure what you were dealing with it is like searching for something in the dark but not knowing what exactly you are searching for. So it makes it a million times harder to get. For them to get you and for you to get them you need to learn more about each other.

Work: Can be difficult because others don’t understand us, because they have rarely been associated with people like us. Even worse cases, they don’t even know we exist. What hurts most is that we perceive and understand how they see us, what they think we are, but we cannot change this misconception. It is hard to juggle work life if the job you are in clashes deeply with being an INFJ. I know this feeling far too well. Especially since I have been in the work world for about three years without knowing “who I truly am” and why so many aspects seemed so difficult. I pray and hope now that I know I’m an INFJ things may start to change for the better.

Friendship: In the case of your “friends” at times it can be hard to maintain these relationships because you dip in and out of their life, wanting to show them more of you. Furthermore because at times they are so different to you it is hard for them to understand you and for you to reveal yourself and connect with them. However at the same time you do value their friendship. For those that are your “close/special friends” the connection is great beyond words, they are not INFJ’s but they get you in ways that so little people do, you feel so comfortable around them and deeply value these friendships and hold them close to your heart. Unfortunately I can say that one of these friendships I had was severely damaged. The pain was crushing. I didn’t and on some levels still don’t know how to come back from it. Any ideas? Your thoughts and experience are deeply appreciated.

Relationships/ soul mate: These definitely don’t seem to be easy, I have only had a few relationships and each time they don’t last nor work out, I now understand a bit more as to why, from learning that I am an INFJ. Yet a part of me continues to hope and believe that in this complex world there is more out there.

Energy: I don’t know if other INFJ’s feel the same, but I feel in today’s society and lifestyle my energy gets drained quicker. The bursts of energy I experience are short and not often. I am still trying to figure out why that is. I do know there are ways to “recharge” myself but in this “buzzing and busy world” at times this is not easy to do.

View of the world/life and that bigger picture: I see the world as being very complex and needs to be explored and understood yet can never be fully comprehended. But this does not mean I stop thinking or reflecting about it and about life. I continue to want to help others, so much so that sometimes it hurts because I know for a fact that suffering and pain will never end. But I guess every little bit of assistance is helpful and is worth something. I am aware that the world is full of beauty but at the same time flaws.

It was nice to be able to share the above with you, I have felt like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I hope reading this has given you something in return as much as it has given me calm and peace in writing this. Any ideas, thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.”

The crave in

Posted in Event, Life, lost, Thoughts on May 14, 2016 by vixstar1314

When your world feels like it has just craved in.

You are lost for words and even feelings.

When everything feels so numb around you.

The shock, the confusion, the anger, the frustration, the unknown all becomes overwhelming.

Time stops for those split seconds.

However the pain is the only thing that exist in that space.

When it passes it doesn’t feel any better, just more real. More longer lasting.

 

New Years Eve

Posted in Event, Life, Personal, Thoughts, Time with tags , , , , , , on December 31, 2015 by vixstar1314

…and here I am again, finding myself waving bye to another year and relunctantly being pushed into another one. Compared to the year before I can say this year has been a bit lighter and calmer than the previous 2 years. It has not been great, but this year I think I have developed and learnt to give up the thought of perfection. There is no such thing! I now see things in a 60% or 70% measurement there is no longer 100%, I am done with that. What will 2016 hold? My guess is as good as yours. I guess you have to go into it to find out…. Bye 2015. 

Here I am, 2016…be kind to me please…

 

Risks

Posted in Event, Life with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2015 by vixstar1314

Many places in this world are now filled with higher than usual risks. The risks I would like to blog about today is terrorism. It seemed that a lot of places can be targets of this. Over time it feels to me like the world has gotten scarier. I don’t know if that is because when I was young as a kid you don’t really watch the news or follow what is actually going on around the world. So in some way you know less, thus feel less threaten. Today however I feel like no matter where you are the risks are high. I personally feel like it is one of those things that you can’t actually control. It is will you be at the wrong place and the wrong time, and be the unlucky ones. It is not really something you can avoid, as I need to go work, go places, meet people, visit locations so I guess we should leave it to fate……..

Paradox in life

Posted in Event, introspective, Life, lost, Thoughts with tags , , , , on August 31, 2015 by vixstar1314

paradox

To everyone who once knew me or knows me

Posted in Event, introspective, Life, Personal, Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on August 15, 2015 by vixstar1314

A strong floating thought: If words were enough to explain what you meant to me during the past or even now….. how you have influenced and changed me. The impact you had and still have on me today. Somehow you all are still a part of me whether that is through memories, personalities or my thoughts.

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