By the edges

I have come to realize that the reason why I seem to subconsciously edge for close calls with death is because it pushes me to be able to “feel,” to be able to “feel that I am alive.” I’m aware that this is somewhat strange but it gives me a high.

Through time I have continued to have lost and dark thoughts. Even though these have reduced recently but the occasional recurrences continue to leave my soul quite hollow. Too often I feel like I am able to absorb the whole atmosphere and environment around me which causes me to feel too much and also severely drained physically and emotionally. Yet I struggle to not take in these emotional around me even with the knowledge that it will not do me any good. To be able to feel empathy at so high levels causes me to feel way too much and hurts me too deeply, furthermore as these cannot be expressed to others they subsequently circulate around me further and deeper.

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