Baggages

I have come to wonder what life is now and how it might have been if I had not met or even fallen for you. So much has changed since that day I met you. It all seemed like the usual at the start, nothing special. However over time, things started to build up until one day I happened to look into your eyes and suddenly realized that something clicked within me, and from that moment forth I knew I was never going to be the same again….

Today even though there isn’t a “we” anymore. I can’t help but still think about you. I can’t explain why after a year and all that you have put me through I still have these feelings for you. There is no extreme feelings such as hate or anger but more of a hole in my heart. I wonder if/when you do contact me again, will I buckle! Within me I feel as if I will always have a soft spot for you no matter what. I know it is stupid and not logical, yet I cannot help it. 

I can say for sure that you had changed the course of my life. You had turned me into someone who doesn’t care as much about myself nor others so much anymore. I became more daring, someone who stood closer to the edge and not scared to plunge downwards because on some levels I felt I was already there. There was a time when I felt totally lost, consumed into a pool of darkness and emptiness. Your exit from my life triggered unimaginable consequences, shaking my beliefs and foundation to lows that were unseeable. To be honest I have yet to recover, there were days when it felt like it was getting worse and worse. When days turned into weeks, months… I found it so hard to act normal, every word and action was demanding. You gave me baggages that weighed down on me like a ton of bricks. Now they still linger onto me, you made me pack baggages into myself and I am still trying to unpack them today….

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