Marks

The story of marks:

“Just give me a meaning on life, even if it’s a small one on the purpose of going forward and onwards.

I often wonder if you are out there, or is it just all inside of me where I should feel complete.

Truth be told the day you let go was the day something in me broke forever, letting a mark that could not be mended and nothing felt good anymore. I’ve been trying so hard to get that moment to pass, for it to feel better inside but that day hasn’t come. If anything all my flaws and problems seem to amplify. Maybe this is because a big part of me no longer cares about a lot of things. I find that one issue has amplified intensively – which is awkwardly and painfully shy with people I don’t know. It is not done on purpose it’s just I appear to recoil and get nervous. It may seem like at times I am being rude, antisocial and cold but it’s actually me going into my own shell. On some level I think my subconscious is trying not to get attached. The problem here is I need time to get use to and trust people. If I have gotten use to them and know them then this completely different personality comes out. However sometimes by then it is too late as they say first few impressions counts the most, and from that people have already made their judgement and developed their opinions and views already.  

When you are continuing,

just to continue.

When you left,

you left a hole within me.

I feel for now,

and for the near future will not be able to heal,

or close up.

Sense of emptiness blowing within me.

Where the wind comes in from the hole.

Life is a elevator,

on your way up sometimes,

you have to stop and let some people off,

and some in.

You don’t stand still unless you are broken.

But most things you can fixed,

but there will always be a mark.

I am aware of the concepts and theories but can’t action or follow them to change the issues or to let go. Let go off you, let go of the darkness inside, let go of me.  

On the important stuff in life it’s like I feel very little or at times nothing for it. I want to cry to release the hurting inside, but no tears come out. There is like a hole inside of me that seems to suck all the positive things into it, and never seem to mend. A part is missing and it is like it is left in another place.

What is ironic is that marks look more apparent and painful at first but they actually fade so much faster than the pains inside.

  IMG_0246

mark

Below is a picture that has been found which almost says it all.”

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