Those moments

“Every writer I know has trouble writing.” – Joseph Heller

“Writing is a struggle against silence.” – Carlos Fuentes

I find myself occassionally having trouble feeling, thinking, moving, writing and living. I often wonder if anyone else out there has these glitches?

………..

…….

….

..

The makeshift smile projected, emotions hidden in the shadow, casual humour deflects pain.

Social norms depict that we say we are ok even if we feel a million miles away from being ok.

This festive period has somehow triggered a flood of memories to resurface deeper than usual.
Past events rises and passes along my mind like clips.

– Flashbacks –

During those moments I had never thought that one day they would be so significant and that I had unconsciously placed them all so securely within my heart. To think back on them now makes my heart melt, if only I could go back to those moments I would savor them all and held on more tightly to them. Those moments where the universe, time, life’s existence seem to mesh into one flawless dream

They were nothing extravagant.
Just spending quality time, exchanging thoughtful gifts, during Christmas and birthdays, not at anywhere fancy, just simple places. Yet it was perfect, the connection was on every single level. It’s sad to think that may never occur again.
It hurts, hurts so much, emotional pain is worse than physical because I cannot put anything on it  to heal and mask the pain. My brain tells me so much yet my mind and heart burns like a knife twisting deeper and deeper. So much now seem to trail off and it has become beyond the point of frustration. My heart has been burnt, the flame has consumed me and only ashes of the person I had become remains.

timeburnsashes

Time has soothed nothing at it. What was, is what remains. What is to come, is the struggle that one has to get through first in order to stand back up. I was not wrong, you was not wrong. It is simple yet complex beyond words, bottom line is it was not meant to be, however it is easier written than to accept and do.

 

 

 

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