Blockage of thoughts

It’s been a while since thoughts have been able to flow as freely as I have wanted it to, I have had difficulties in figuring things out, making choices and just thinking straight, sort of like a blockage of thoughts. I did watch a movie a few weeks back called Limitless – One pill and anything is possible. It would be great to be able to access the full capacity of the brain. 

I think that this may also be because for too long I have pretended to be happy when I have been in so much pain that I have forgotten what it feels like to be “ok” as the wall that has been built around me, have slowly started to saw cracks but furthermore the wall has caused so much to just get blocked.

At times I feel as if I have given everyone everything and far too often they have taken it all and walked away, till finally I find that I have given so much that I feel drained and exhausted and I am left wondering how much more I can give before I collapse, as I struggle to breathe.

They say being broken hearted is like having broken ribs because on the surface everything looks fine but the truth is every breath hurts like hell. Sometimes reality is so cruel, this is why I wonder if the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I would want to sleep forever. So much about you shapes me, your smile, your hug, your text, your words, makes my day better but at the same time the withdrawal of these also drops me so low, so whether it’s good or bad, I find it hard to define, control and handle.

For me I rather have every part of my body ache instead of having a heart ache. Sometimes you suddenly stop and wonder how did I get here? It’s like you have been blocked from a long time, and you have suddenly been awaken.

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