Darker World

Vixstar1314© says:

I am present,

but this is just an outer shell.

If you look more closely you would see the massive dent,

I would love for the pain to be revealed to you as part of a show and tell,

yet I use all my strength to resist.

Without you in my life everything has shattered,

my life has become so much darker,

but to you it does not seem to have mattered,

it’s like you have crossed out my existence with a permanent marker.

I am left so alone in this dark world.

Yet with you in my life, I can’t help but just keep giving,

to the extent that,

with my own life I would just stop living,

turning myself into your personal walking mat.

Whereby you can walk all over me.

So I cannot live with you,

nor can I live without you in my life.

I try my best to hide all my feelings and pain,

and cry myself to sleep,

because I know telling everyone will result to no gain,

I have fallen too deep.

And I have lost all control.

The world has suddenly become such a dark place,

and I have been hurt so many times that I am completely bruised,

I am always tensed as my heart seems like it’s constantly in a race,

one that I will always loose.

Welcome to this game which is known as my life.

Everything has gotten so painful that I just want to go,

just vanish,

before my brain really give’s up and explode,

or my heart is forever banished.

I don’t want to be constantly stuck in this darkness.

You have become my pill,

without you I loose my will.

To loose you is my worse fear,

yet to keep you in my life would be self destructive,

all these thoughts bring me to tears,

and I loose the will to live and be proactive.

I just want to die.

I am left in complete coldness,

I just want to hide,

I wish I was someone with greater boldness,

and enjoyed this ride.

But I am not, and I feel so sick.

There are lots of roads ahead,

but just one sign,

and all the traffic lights are red,

and I am the only one left behind,

staring at the dead end sign.

Why are you doing this to me?

What has my life become?

I am going into complete isolation,

feeling as cold as the arctic,

breaking all links and association,

the ending will just be so tragic.

As I will end up standing alone.

I am now down on my knees,

barely able to cope,

so I am asking for hope please,

whilst I am clinging on to just a piece of rope.

Please God.

My world has come crashing down,

I struggle to breathe,

and I start to drown

yet I cannot leave.

As you are like a drug to me.

Forcing me to stay,

unable to breathe each day,

and not sure what to say,

as I am using my life to pay.

As you have walked away,

leaving my heart at the crushing bay.


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