Love. Fear. Hope. Hold. Life

All my life, I have felt incomplete, like so much is missing. Not to say that I am not grateful for all that God has given me.

The day that I clicked with you, changed so much, and I dare say nothing will ever be the same again. I can barely explain it. To start with I am someone who find’s it hard to express one self, this is made virtually impossible when it comes down to important matters of the heart.

So many times, when I am with you, my world feels complete, or to be more precise it feels like only you and I exist, and it’s great. I feel like you are “the one” yet a part of me asks “if you was the one, then would it all not be more smoother than it is right now?”

A massive part of me feels like you are the one, yet my logical side, tell’s me there is someone out there that will complete me much more than you, will treat me much better, will return my love fully. As much as I feel like currently you are the one, I still hope that someone out there is searching for someone like me. And would find me so that I can be completely completed and we both would be. So that I would not feel like I have parts missing.

The problem with love sometimes is that we crave for it so much, yet we cannot openly admit our feelings, as a result of:

fear: fear that it will not work out, our feelings would not be returned…

Or

pressure, pressure from family, friends, society, relationship…

Or

circumstances, circumstances of wrong timing….

Yet even though we are conscious of all these, which should theoretically signal to us with all these present “it will not work” so let go, don’t hold on to this, it will just make it worse in the long run. Yet stupidly, we human’s still continue down the path of spikes. Knowing full well that doing so will cause us endless heart aches and pain..

Maybe deep down we believe that regardless of all this, there is still hope??

Or eventually there will come a time when everything get’s too much, when the past, the memories, all the suffering will finally be too much to bare, whereby the pain becomes to real that it really does hit you, and wake you up and you realize that you need to “save yourself” because you cannot keep going on like this, where you give someone everything to the extent that you no longer have your body, mind, heart and soul…

Then you walk away, even though at first it seem’s like the pain is a million times worse than the ones your getting from holding on.

It’s like hell on earth

It’s like your heart and mind are being ripped out

and dragged along.

But from somewhere you muscle up the inches of strength you still have and you pull yourself away. At the start and during the middle process it’s grilling, yet towards the end, you notice it is the start of a new beginning at life………………

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