Life

So as this year draw’s closer to a end. I find myself feeling like to a certain extent I am back to square one.

In terms of the big factors in life.

After graduating, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, in terms of the short time plan, this was traveling.  I thought that traveling would somehow help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Yes I did learn a lot about myself, see more of the world, yet when I came back I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Then half way through this year I got so happy because I thought I finally “figured” out my path. After a few months of struggling to get there, when I entered into the career path it was not what I had imagined. Even though I am currently still in there, I know for a fact that this is just due to circumstances, and I do not see myself progressing on this path. Me and my friends have talked about this topic, and I guess many people use their early and mid twenties to try out different paths and try to figure out their life. So I don’t feel so bleak, but God please let me find it soon-ish.

In terms of you, I can put my hand on my heart and say it’s still you, feelings are still very much alive and strong. There have been many times when it’s been so hard, where I have struggled with everything as a result of the overwhelming contradiction of my emotions and logic. My brain knows that I’m digging myself into a deeper hole. But my heart is willing to take the chance. I’m still pouring hours into you. They say love is blind, I agree and love makes us do things that if we were someone else looking into it all, would be thinking this is crazy. If I see you in pain, it breaks my heart, and I feel in pain too. You have a way of affecting me, I cannot control it. But at the end of the day, I cannot let go of you.

This year, like always, has flown by, it does not seem like it when you right there, living the moment, but when you look back, it always seems like it’s gone by in a blink of an eye.

Of course, it’s not completely back to square one, because everything that has happened, has had an effect on me. I have learn, hopefully developed and become a stronger person. As per usual, there have been high moments, and low moments this year. No one ever said life would be easy, nor have they said it would be hard. I do try my best to smile, because if your sad, you have to live life, if your happy, you have to live life, therefore why not chose to smile through it. There is a phrase that behind every smile lies pain. I guess this is true for everyone, it’s just different people deal with it differently. At time’s we underestimate our ability to deal with it all, until we are put on the spot, when it’s fight or flight. Then we realize we can, because God has given us the strength. If we put our trust into God, we learn that in life there is a time and place for everything. God has his own plans for us, we may not see it clearly at times but believe and it will come to you.

The end of a year, and the start of the next, can for some seem like a depressing time, I must admit at times it feels like that for me too, but this year I want to view this in a more positive light. The past cannot be changed. Time will keep moving. We learn from the previous year and make the next year better.

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