When feelings and thoughts cannot be expressed in person

So today, bumped into someone from my past and at the same time present. How is this? Well because of a few factors we, mainly I, ended it a few years ago. Even though today we are still friends, but not as close as we use to be, there is now a big gap. This is one of the regrets in my life, because I failed to explain my feelings and thoughts, which may have subsequently damaged what we had. Even though on the surface it does not seem like it, I cannot help but think I had hurt him or left a scar. Words can at times be so hard to say. For me typing is so much more easier than speaking. Strange I know. I can type and recollect my thoughts so much better than when I speak.

Hence why I have decided to enter these words that I still have not yet said. As sometimes the things that are the hardest to say, are the words we probably mean the most.

I guess it went wrong when so many things happened at the same time, causing the catalyst, because to begin with what we had was not solid enough. It was barely going anywhere, I felt this was because we were both too similar. In that we both lack the ability to express our feelings and thoughts. So there was communication break down within the core of the relationship. We never really did talk about the issues. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed spending time with you, we had fun. But there was always something missing. Then during that time, as I became very busy with study, the gap between us grew wider, at times it became like we were strangers. I often wondered if there was any point of continuing if we were not going towards anywhere. Finally I felt it was best to cut the thread. I take responsibility for not dealing with it more appropriately however I also resent, how at times you did not seem to care, or express. Yet I am flawed in the same way. So I guess we were just two peas but did not fit into the same pod.

Time has changes, feelings has been altered but you will always be a special person to me, a very close friend, one day it will become much clearer. Time will change things again.


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